Summary: Improve your dating lby balancing your real and fictional worlds.
Yesterday, a friend of mine was on dating website, checking out the site’s latest recommendations. One such recommendation was for a young man claiming to be a published writer (though he left the title of his work unknown). He was dapperly dressed and prided himself on being a “nice guy.” Despite all his supposed accomplishments, the hits on his page were slim to none.
I definitely felt for the guy. He tried to put his best foot forward. Yet, despite his best efforts, he scored no major points in the social realm. I have found this often to be the case with writers, to whose noble brotherhood I belong. We writers live spend so much time in our own fiction world that we struggle to engage in the real one. Fantasy and sci-fi writers are particularly notorious for this. Our investment in our craft limits the time we can invest in others, which also limits our ability to become a normal, contributing member of society.
This is not an insurmountable problem to take care of, but it does require some lifestyle changes to get around.
If you are a writer struggling on the dating scene, here are a few suggestions to help in your quest to master both the social and professional spheres:
1. Get a Job
Being a writer can be a lot of fun, but it can be very to make money at. Now, I wish you all the success in the world as a writer. However, while you are still a nobody in the industry, you will need to find an alternative means of gaining income to get by.
This does not mean selling out, or giving up on your dreams of being an independent, artist soul. Just the opposite, in fact. If you want to move out of your parents’ house, if you want to buy the clothes and cars and stuff necessary to become socially mobile, if you want to take that special somebody out on a date, then you will need money to do it.
Note: Contests, workshops, and other writing ventures also take money, so again it’s good to have the green.
The more fiscally sound you are, the more attractive you will become, both in your own eyes and in the eyes of others. So, get those resumes polished and ready for action!
2. Find a Hobby
I find it is easy to stay in writer mode all day long. There are always new turns of phrase I could use, characters I could develop, ideas I want to explore. Although those are incredibly interesting to me, they are not so much to other people, especially when I am working on concepts far from ready to be shown to the public.
It is therefore important to take up a hobby that is interesting to the outside world, so I get out of my own head and into an others-centered frame of mind.
Music is a universal language. A sport is good. A craft is another option. Going to movies works too, though I would recommend you go with friends if you do this, just so that you’re not falling back into anti-social tendencies. Anything where there is a possibility of human interaction is a keeper, especially if it requires physical movement (we are a sedentary bunch after all.)
The more you move around, the better you will feel. Plus, studies show that the amount of Vitamin D you soak in (via the Sun) significantly affects your outlook on life, and people are much more likely to interact with a smiling individual than a party-pooper.
Once you have started making money and moving about, we can focus on the last major hurdle you must overcome: sustainable human interaction. For this, you will need to become part of a co-ed social group, especially one that gives back to the community. A church or volunteer organization is great for this. Not only does it feel good to give, but it gets you talking to all kinds of people. (Spiritual development is just as important as fiscal or physical development to be sure.) The more social languages you can speak the better, because you never know what special someone is going to be into. And! Although you may think you know exactly who you are and what you want out of life, it is not uncommon for people to open a whole world of possibilities to you when you dare to take them up on a new opportunity, activity, or way of thinking.
Note: Do not join these organizations simply to pick up women. This is creepy and the last thing people need is to worry is being hit on while trying to do a good thing. People can smell ulterior motives a mile away, so don’t use them. The goal here is simply to develop a diverse, social vocabulary and, if romance arises naturally from this, all the better.
That said, please do not feel like you have to take on all of these things at once. Just know that each and every one of these elements will help you become a more well-rounded human being if you chose to explore them. Not only that, but the more people you meet, the more people may also be willing to read your work, offer you valuable feedback, or even provide that ever-important connection to get your foot in the door.
Final Note: Do not meet people just to promote your work, but not be afraid to share it if the opportunity arises either. When you truly care about people, they will begin to truly care about you. Social circles are nifty like that.
Thank you for your time. I pray you enjoy the worlds around you to their fullest.
Blessings to you in Christ,