The Fear of Loss

The fear of loss

is the anthesis of love

for love frees

and loss vainly grasps,

trying to hold on.


If you love, you must be willing to let go

of yourself, of your inhibitions, of your preconceived thoughts

of how life should be.

Although you can encourage behaviors

and entertain thoughts,

you cannot ultimately force one’s hand-

or, at least not for very long

or to any lasting effect.


Listen, engage, inform

be in communion with each other

and the here and now

but know that the now is just that

and the next moment will be something else entirely.


I, therefore, free you of your stranglehold

on the future and dare you to live like now

is the only thing there is.

Enjoy it while it is,

then let it go;


and may the peace of Jesus Christ

follow you in every moment

that follows


Beards: They Grow on You

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Stephen Collins‘ “The Gigantic Beard That Was Evil” is a great book. It’s about a man, Dave, who does the same thing ever day. Same dinner, same music, same job, etc. He does this until one day a beard starts growing on his face. At that point, he freaks out. Everyone around him freaks out. The beard starts growing every which way, and he gets kicked out of town so nobody has to deal with him and his beard any more.

At first, it’s “haha, very funny,” but when you think about it: it’s much deeper than that. I mean, you could look at hair as just that. We have trouble enough with that as it is. We have to shave it off, make it ironic, bathe it in “beauty” products, and do who-knows-what-else to something that occurs naturally and harmlessly. I mean, fuck, we see a woman with some hair on her brows, arms, whatever and we act like devil incarnate. When all is said in done, it’s just hair.*

*Photographer, Ben Hopper, does a magnificent job of redeeming our innate splendor in his “Natural Beauty” project.

Then again, it’s not just hair. Maybe Collins’ beard is everything else that comes out of us too: our dreams, our quirks, our fears. We see one ounce of difference and we flip out. Chill. It’s just them being them. Some people like plaid. Some people love cats. Some people go to sweat houses and chant until they pass out. It’s all good.

I read an article by Dominatrix, Mitsu Mark, who talks about how she has all these clients who have a fantasy experience in mind but are too embarrassed or shy to say it, so they stay quiet and leave wanting. WE GO THROUGH LIFE THAT WAY! We want that last cookie. We wish the barista would re-make the drink. We pass up on the opportunity of a lifetime because somebody might look at us sideways if we did that. This is not saintliness, my friends. It’s societal BS. You want that drink re-made? Ask it to be remade. You want that last cookie, take it! We all know you want it, and we all want you to be happy. So, take it.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it. Just speak your peace, then step aside to let somebody else have their turn in the spotlight. When you do that, you not only get out of your own way, but you also pave the way for your later acts of valor to be TRULY SELFLESS.

So, be upfront with how you feel. Be honest. Be kind. Be bold.


Facing Regret

Hey everybody,

How we doing today?

Ever have a situation you wish you would have done better with? I’ve had lots. In fact, I envy anyone who boasts of having none. (I pray they are telling the truth on the matter, rather than trying to live up to a “no regrets” bumper sticker motto they saw once.) Here are two situations that come vividly to mind:

  1. There once was a young woman who used to come into my work dressed rather provocatively. A lot of men at work, customers and employees, used to get all hot and bothered by it. They had their own individual reasons. I personally wasn’t too worked up by it. Sure,  I understand that men are visual creatures, and society has its “modesty” standards. Still, at that time, I didn’t mind it. She wasn’t my daughter or sister or mother or anything other than my friend and customer. I was happy she was happy, and she did in fact seem happy. Some, I suppose, dress this way out of lack of self-confidence. She seemed to do it out of an abundance of confidence. More power to her! But people talk, and say all kinds of things. One day, somebody said something mean to her about what she was wearing. I personally never heard the comment, but she came to me and asked my opinion about her appearance nevertheless. I gave some blanket, nothing answer that tended toward the more conservative side. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever had the feeling where you wish you had a least one person on your side in an argument, especially when you have your back up against the wall. Well, in that situation, I didn’t have hers, and I never got the chance to have it. She never returned to my workplace, and I never saw her again. I hope wherever she is, she feels beautiful and valued. If we ever meet, I hope to get the chance to saw as much. Sometimes, we just gotta set our opinions aside to  just be human.
  2. In another situation, a friend of mine’s mother died suddenly (the anniversary of her passing is coming up soon, in fact). She was an awesome woman. Her death came as a shock to us all. The service was held within the week. My friend sent me a text at the last minute, asking to come. I was afraid that if I just bolted from work, I would lose my job. So, I didn’t go. This friend is one of the most accepting people I know, and she took my absence in stride. But, seriously, some friend I am. Sometimes in life you just gotta risk that plush job to do what needs to be done.

I’ve let other people down, often times by been too afraid to do what’s right. If you picked up from the last blog, I tend towards cowardice and conservatism. I acknowledge that fault, accept that mistake. I’ll work on correcting it in the future. In the meantime, I’ll take my lumps, own my failures, and use them as teaching lessons for next time.

If you are down on yourself for your past mistakes, I pray you do not let them get the better of you. As Rafiki from Lion King says…

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Do not lose hope! Tomorrow will be brighter. Just keep going.